Fourteen years ago, I volunteered to be the class mum so I could chaperone my son, who was starting Grade 000. It was my own way of letting go as my baby started his schooling adventure. On the first day, a very determined and focused mum messaged me a task list of the duties she felt the class mum should commit to, expecting my timeline of execution.
My first thought was, “How bossy!” – little did I know she was the mum of my son’s new best friend (“in the whole wide world”). He did not stop talking about how she liked everything he liked, and when he came up with something naughty, she helped make it bigger and greater. And I was experiencing the same with her mum.
So, we planned a playdate for the little ones, but I think we (the moms) had way more fun! We instantly knew we were two crazy peas in an even crazier pod – our selfless hearts, our zest for life, our shared appreciation for laughter, the deep love we have for our babies, the same liberal values in raising them and most importantly, our shared appreciation for food, wine and God – we shared it all. I had always wanted an older sister, and you a younger one, and (like “kismet”) we found each other.
You would never have known the moment you entered my life, I had just been divorced, was embracing life as a single mum, was a Senior Finance Manager on the verge of taking a career leap, building a home for my baby and I, all while confronting unconscious biases to single parent homes. I was in survival mode, focusing solely on raising my child and realising my dream of becoming a CFO. Unconsciously, I had sealed my heart, deciding to unpack and navigate that journey when I had the time. But sometimes, the Universe gives you someone who forces the path for you to heal and walk. That someone was you – my best friend.
We continued to build our sisterhood through our own special routines
Early morning messages before the house awoke and chaos unfolded about what we had going on that day and what we had planned.
Any-time wine-and-dine sessions.
Car karaoke and dance parties (the kids would all hang their heads in laughter),
Cooking and sharing stories around your kitchen island.
Laughing at ourselves while we botched things up.
My favourite memories are of slicing cake, with the kids chanting “cake, cake, cake”, and I would surrender the knife to you.
On the days when your blood pressure would shoot up, we would sit on the stoep while you snacked on chips.
When your better half would cook for us – massive 400g lamb burgers that we were not allowed to share, or bunny chows on toasted bread, or the most delicious fried shad dhal and rice.
Or the crazy moments when I didn’t have any punjabi’s to wear to a funeral, and we used all sorts of padding until my girls were skewered, trying to fit into yours.
Nothing beats us using a YouTube video to make “sangatee” under the influence of wine, though.
I do not have a single memory in almost 15 years that does not include you – you are my lifelong friend and sister. I got through the worst moments in my life with a bottle of wine and our laughter. You have walked me through so many dark days while you didn’t even know! All I needed was our time together - wine, food, and laughter. We have celebrated one another and cried together, owning and respecting each other’s identity. You see so much independence in me, and I see so much courage in you.
We constantly debate and challenge the status quo of society – what defines a woman? Yet, you are the most successful woman I know. You have this incredible gift; you listen with your heart. You are a smart, talented and incredibly gifted woman with the ability to link world events to daily stocks and shares. You have the gift of presence. You are always present with the people you are with, respecting those moments of connection. Your energy is a gift – a nuclear bomb of love and laughter.
I believe that strong women raise strong women, and you raised two very strong, courageous and beautiful souls. Supporting and listening with your heart comes so naturally to you. You are the epitome of embracing all the virtues of womanhood. I would never understand how you remember exactly what is happening in all our lives – reminding us of appointments, to-do’s, birthdays, planning everything – and always manage to make moments so special for everyone.
My wish for you is that you are always blessed because there is no one more deserving of the very best that life has to offer. Your heart is a gigantic ocean that, unbelievably, continues to grow and give so selflessly.
The biggest gift you have given me is the courage to love and now I can be vulnerable and open to love my man and build a life with him, the one I waited and healed to be with – because I had a strong sister who showed me the way and opened my heart to love. You wished for me to have true love from a man who could be my best friend, and partner in crime. But someone who would also balance out all this crazy!
So, what makes us so special and our friendship so strong? The answer is very simple: we are women who love and embrace our own identity. We share the real things in life, the joys of every day, food, wine and deep connections. We are so confident and comfortable at being ourselves that we bring out the very best in each other in turn. We laugh at our nuances and have strong debates and conversations. We truly enjoy each other’s views and perspectives whilst debating from the heart and the mind.
This quote is so us:
“A good friend knows all your stories; a best friend helped you write them.”
My wish is that every woman has a big sister like mine, and p.s. I am not sharing.
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