Happy Birthday to me! Happy birthday to me!
A whole 46 years of life and I wake up speechless for the very first time as I reflect on the years past and present… I am incredibly happy – love, peace and harmony woven and built into me.
One way to take stock of your life is to imagine it ending – after all, what is death but a conclusion to a life well spent? I see my son married to his best friend, happy and smiling because he remembers everything crazy, clumsy and wacky about his mother – not shedding a tear as he recalls the great life I lived. “My mum is a woman who lived with Love,” he should say.
What does it mean to live in love?
You must start by loving yourself – embrace all that is beautiful about you, especially all the parts that don’t fit into society anymore, these are your gifts. It always frustrates everyone, but my answer to everything is: “Be You”.
I thank two incredible humans, my mum and dad, who gave me a life of freedom – a rare gift. They raised me in my own dreams, free of their hopes and expectations. Growing up in liberation shaped me with the strength, independence and courage to embrace who I am.
I love you, daddy and mummy, with all my heart.
How to be authentically you
A rebel with a cause, my mission is being so authentically me that it inspires everyone to embrace and love themselves. When we do that, kindness, happiness and love will radiate. Here is my first “How to…” – be imperfectly-perfect Me:
I don’t read non-fictional books. Each person’s journey, theory and framework is already biased, based on their experience, circumstances, childhood trauma, etc. Read to appreciate their stories but write your own! What worked for someone else won’t work for you because we are all crafted, embedded and embodied in our own uniqueness. Give yourself the gift of freedom from replication.
Own you. Have you ever built Lego? The first Lego set I built was for an impatient 4-year-old! It was a Scorpio Ninjago car with movable parts. I built the entire model and was impressed with the fact that I did it in record time, but two pieces were in the wrong place and it didn’t work. I rebuilt the entire car to rectify those two pieces and, once it was whole, it performed. Every Lego piece has a part to play and until they are put in their places with love, respect and kindness, the hole can never be made whole. Something that isn’t complete can never be happy. Learn to love all the parts of yourself and treat them with respect and kindness when they don’t seem like they belong.
Define, lock in and hold onto your True North. Always looking left or right means you will crash in front of you, and looking behind you will slow you down. Define your true north and look for it in everything you do. Mine is love (everything I do I love, I eat only what I love, I wake up every morning to a career I love, I surround myself with only the people I love) and whenever I feel lost, I look at what I’m doing that I don’t love and remove it. Don’t compare yourself to other people and continuously chase their dreams. Write and walk your own path and stay true to your road ahead, embracing all its twists, bends and pit stops.
Self-awareness and self-regulation. We share the world with over seven billion people, which means we have a responsibility to every person we engage with to leave them better or at par with where we found them, but never worse off. We don’t get to be spoilt, entitled adults (or children, for that matter). Make meaningful and engaging moments with every person you meet, that will fill your cup with love and a sense of purpose – it will cost you nothing but time and patience.
Enjoy your vices! We are not meant to deprive ourselves of anything. Life is not a daily struggle – find the everyday pleasures that make you happy. Mine are tequila, wine, chocolate, biscuits, and coffee! Give yourself daily doses of pleasure!
Look in the mirror every morning and own it! Body shaming, hating the way your skin is or what size you are, creates resentment between your heart and your body. Wishing that you didn’t think so much or that you loved too much creates animosity and robs you of self-love. We are so kind to the world, but often we are so unkind to ourselves. This includes hating that you may not be noticed or stand aloof, are introverted or too loud, or if you are the centre of attention. I am 46 years old, with an almost 17-year-old son; I have stretch marks from the weight I gained during pregnancy and I have a muffin top (but I rock high-waisted jeans), I would never wish this away – it’s my tattoo of becoming a mum.
Wander, like my favourite quote from JRR Tolkien: “Not all those who wander are lost.” Venture and try new things, like we try on outfits until we find the perfect fit. Be lost in grief, trauma, and hurt … and heal with kindness, joy and hope. Love those experiences more because they will define who you become in the future. I failed at marriage, but I rose in love. Allow yourself to fit the Lego pieces back in any way that makes you feel special and beautiful again.
Surround yourself with people who love you too. Life is meant to be shared, and you are worthy and deserving of love. Your past is not your prison so take a sledgehammer to those walls, heal in the present and let love lead the future. Find your best friend, your partner-in-crime, or your lover – someone who will embrace you for who you are. In your hardest moments look to their eyes for the mirror you seek to your soul. Be naked, vulnerable and truthful with them, as to yourself.
I leave you with this birthday wish: Walk a day in both your shoes and love every part of you, like I love all of me. “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” is a quote Happy Birthday to You! By Dr Seus.
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