Be true to a perfectly imperfect You

Throughout my life, people have told me I never listen and always do what I want. Some say it with kindness, and others with arrogance. My dad often tells the story of when I was around five years old and I saw a doll that I wanted. It was expensive and my dad had offered me everything else in the shop, but I was set on getting that doll. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t upset, nor did I cry and make demands. Instead, I walked out of the shop happy and dreaming, I would get it one day.

“When she sets her heart on something, she won’t accept anything else – less or more,” he always says.

This has worked for me as many times as it has not. In high school, during the summer break, before we started Grade 11, a boy started “courting” me. All of my friends advised against it, saying he had a girlfriend. I had asked him about it and he said they broke up, so we ended up having a very cute and my first infatuation, with cute notes, long phone calls and him passing by my house a million times. However, when school started, I got (like they say in today’s terms) ghosted. My friends immediately said they told me so.

I gave my heart to it, and it broke, but I learned a valuable lesson: Trust and respect is earned. I also learned that not all boys are kind and honest, and what the difference was between attraction, infatuation and love. Fast forward a few years, today my son and I sit down and talk about girls and how he respects them. I am an extremely proud mom of his very gentlemanly and polite ways!

Staying true to my experience

I often catch myself debating where the balance is between living my life by owning my experiences (good and bad), versus living through the advice of others. But I see people seeking differing views and opinions, going back and forth between whether they should or shouldn’t, or even setting comparative benchmarks for themselves against others, and instead of developing themselves, they are only being filled with more self-doubt and wasting time that is already fleeting.

My son gave me his answer: “Mum, why must I listen to the business teacher who has never run a business? How does she appreciate entrepreneurship and how does she cultivate business minds? She may be able to teach the textbook theory, but she’s never had to take the same kind of risks and make the same kind of decisions.``

There is a Dr Seus quote that I love: “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You”. There is no one alive who can be you, understand you, and feel the things you do. Many people may have had a similar experience but with a different context and perspective. It’s essentially how we take the next steps in our lives that define our journeys. Our tapestries are all so unique.

I am a nerd – I love reading and studying. I am perfectly imperfect, and unapologetically me. I don’t want to lose myself in a tapestry made up of everyone else’s advice, experiences and learnings. I want them to be my own, because for me, a meaningful life is a culmination of all of my experiences.

I am going to get moments in my life wrong, and when I do I will still be happy because it was my decision. I will fail quickly and learn fast…

My own piece of advice

First, be you, then start to be a better version of yourself. Do that as a gift for yourself. Then, find that one value that resonates and lights your soul on fire, and be true to it! Judge yourself against it, forgive yourself when you stray from it, and be kind to yourself – we are all fighting our own demons every day.

I get it, in a world with so many self-help, leadership, lifestyle, habit and change management books, where do you start? I believe people get lost because they are so busy chasing the next wellness, happiness, or lifestyle fad. But our minds, bodies and souls are not photocopies of each other, and what works for one person may not work for you.

Many of us are too afraid to stop and reflect. We’re scared that once we hold the mirror up to ourselves, we won’t like what we see. It’s in that moment, however, that you start taking ownership of yourself again and find yourself once more.

I unpacked why I attract certain kinds of energies, what I was repeatedly ignoring in myself, and what I needed to do differently. After all of it, the only question I had left was; how can someone so smart be so stupid sometimes? (I’ll tell you more about that some other time.)

Now I stay true to Me. I listen to my intuition, not my ego (I have many conversations with myself regularly).

Don’t chase the world – you will never stop running. Chase your own aspirations and dreams, and embrace all of You.

Until next week,

The Enlightened Girl